All We Have - The Current Moment.

"The only way to defeat darkness is to embrace the light.  

wwm, inspired by a quote by MLK."

One of my high school classmates died yesterday.  It was very sad to see a vibrant, active, beautiful, spirited, and accomplished person taken from us. She was one week past her 49th birthday, and from all accounts her passing was sudden.   Judy was way too young to be transitioning from this life to the next.  

For the people that knew her - a profound sense of loss, shock, and general disbelief is a seemingly pervasive feeling right now.  At the same time, many friends are celebrating what she was to them - a great friend, a talented journalist, and an amazing person.  Her life was focused on   telling the stories that matter - the news we live with every day.  Separately, Judy was a guru on stress who wanted to help people balance out their busy lives against the backdrop of daily work. She was a Yogi and a meditation teacher who was loved by many.    The world lost a true light with her passing.  

Personally, I find myself reflecting heavily here - feeling the loss harder than I likely should.  To be honest, I didn't know really Judy all that well.  Judy and I hung out a few times within larger crowds during high school.  I remember being with her among a group of kids just down the block   from my house on a number of occasions over one particular summer.  We likely had a few conversations together that I don't remember.  Since I was a year older, we didn't really have too   many opportunities to get to know each other that well.   

After 30 years we reconnected on Facebook, a fortunate circumstance enabled by technology.  Judy read some of my writing and over email we discussed a possibility in which I would pen a post on her website.  The topic...the impact that direct managers have on employee experiences of stress, meaning, and success.  I had not had a chance to write that post yet, but from this interaction, was able to witness Judy's dedication and commitment to the balance of work and life.  I also saw her understanding that this balance is more than these two elements, in a sense a larger component of our spiritual journey.   Her website was heavily focused on balance, her posts on Forbes were well read, and she seemed to understand that we as people are all more than just what we do.  The balance between real life and what we as our vocation is in itself an important goal, with the best outcome one that allows for connection to both.  Too much stress without relief, without meditation, without a periodic timeout is bad for us.  

In the last post on Judy's site, she was still teaching as she posted an article that was highly prophetic. It was about living in the present.  One never knows what is next, nor do we have control over anything other than this very moment.   If Judy's last post was any indication, one might think that her final message of love was as follows;   

"The moment is all we have.  It's where we live.  Many of us forget.  Some are only working for a future that may not be there.  Others may be lost, stuck in past glory, or trapped in tragedy.  Somany of us have given ourselves over to work, and to stress, and to attachment...A cycle that doesn't allow us to live full lives."

So what can this knowledge do for us?  Things might have best been summed up by my friend Jacqueline Hill in a Facebook post she wrote....


"As the night is coming to an end, I think all of us who knew Judy have been deeply saddened by her sudden death. Today seemed surreal and I felt such a sense of despair..........but just now I realized that Judy was a lover of life, she lived life to the fullest and she was constantly challenging herself to be a better person.  She was on a spiritual path that was leading her to wonderful places...........so maybe, just maybe, she has left us all with a lesson...........let Judy live on through each and everyone of us here on Facebook, let us NOT TAKE our lives for granted and grab each moment with Joy and Wonder and challenge ourselves to be the best person we can be. I have decided to honor her by doing just that. You are loved and you will be missed, but your life will not be in vain, that I can assure you. God bless you Judy."

So in the words of Dr Martin Luther King Jr....

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. 

Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."

In the end, all we can do is understand that the moment is all we have.  And if we embrace the light and love in each moment, we will then be able to find that balance that Judy was talking about.   

Godspeed Judy.  Namaste.

wwm2014 

"On wind and light, we live forever."

Love, the Only Constant

Love, the Only Constant

When we are born, we enter this world with nothing

When we die, we leave everything behind

The only enduring constant...Love

Accomplishments Fade.

People are forgotten after a few generations, 

and even if  something historic is left, 

that accomplishment is rewritten...

distorted beyond recognition.

So what is left?  

Our words?

our Music?

our Art?

Even the monuments we've built will fall some day.

But Love...it never fades 

it is held inside of us and passed on.

It forms the reason for our words...

for our Music... for our Art... 

and for our Monuments.

Love is the only constant at birth and death.

Love, as reason for it all, 

endures.

-wwm2014

"On wind and light, all things are possible"

Adirondack Visit

Added a pic from my ADK trek this past weekend. 

I become meditational while I am taking pictures,

and that meditation continues as I edit what I shoot. 

For me, its all about using pictures to capture a moment in time as there are never two that occur in the exact same way. 

And through the editing, I can create new moments and new outcomes.

Namaste.

Here's another one...  

on wind and light, there is always hope.  - wwm 2014

  

unconditional love

unconditional love

i hold you close regardless of circumstance - toward myself i offer compassion

on wind, from light, sources of what we are.

through our spirits… connected, yet held in separate vessels…for now

between our bodies,  blessed and paradoxical

in our minds, mirrors reflecting divinity and humanity

with our power, ultimately manifested in moments of profound weakness

as one with our unique, interconnected being

 

namaste - wwm2014

 

 

Re: Experiencing Emotional Weakness...

New post

I just finished an online chat with a very old and dear friend of mine.  

During that conversation, I was asked if I was able to experience feelings of vulnerability...when the answer was yes, I was also asked if I had learned how to refrain from pushing people away that were able to see that weakness?  

(Of course this is an old friend who felt that pushing years ago... I was pretty good at hiding from feeling true feelings of closeness when things got too intense.)

So to continue - My chat responses were as follows;  

"I feel that I am as weak as I am, 

as strong as I allow myself to be, 

and hopefully blessed with the wisdom to see both in any given moment"

In my mind, this was a fair point as the push and pull between control and vulnerability is one of the defining characters of our humanity...when this is not in balance, we become trapped...slaves to our ego...or victims to our fear. 

As the discussion continued, I answered the question with the following statements;

"- Am I vulnerable?  

Yes.

 -Have I been scared about being that way?  

Scared like a rabbit in the presence of a wolf... 

 - Have I been aware of my weakness and frailty? 

Not when my ego was busy living in self delusion due to my fear.  

 - Do i know it now?  

Thankfully.  

- Am I better human being after escaping this self delusional cycle?  

Absolutely."

I thought about this for a few moments, and said a prayerful "Thank You" for the insight delivered during this conversation.    

And with that, I left the chat, which was followed by a moment of synchronicity...  Within minutes, the following quote hit my FB feed as part of a post with an incredibly beautiful picture showing a snowy scene along a path through the forest with the following quote;

"Serenity is...  The Wisdom to Know the Difference."

I agree.  


Peace and Blessings. 

"On wind and light...Hope is eternal"  wwm2014

  

Friends...

I believe that Hope is always possible regardless of the circumstances we are faced with. 

Viktor Frankl had it right in his book Man's Search for Meaning...

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” 

As independent minded and blessed human beings, we have the ability to decide how to react to the things that have occurred in our lives... We can choose a path of defeat or use those things we experience as opportunities... Once we've honored whatever feelings arise we can hope to accept that what is past is past.  From there, we can learn from what has happened, and then decide what we will do with what has occurred.  After the circumstances of our family tragedy, we chose to embrace life, and live each moment with the hope that each new day allows for new and amazing possibilities. 

Remember...on wind and light, all things are possible.   Peace and Blessings.  

Original Article from 12.2012... 

An Open Letter to Grieving Friends. Dedicated to people of Newtown, Upstate New York, and others grieving recent losses.

PublicFriendsFriends except acquaintancesOnly meCustomClose FriendsWaterford, New York AreaSee all lists...NYU SternClifton Park, New York AreaBaldwin Senior High SchoolFamilyfriendsmafiaSt. Mary's School in Ballston SpaUniversity at Albany, SUNYAcquaintancesGo Back

Dear Friends,

You don’t know me personally, but I wanted to share my experience with you.  I do this with the wish that my story may offer a small ray of hope as you go on your grief journey in this New Year. While the pain of your events are fresh, please trust me when I say that the passage of time, an open heart, hard work, and a choice to embrace hope will allow you to survive the tragic events of the last few months.  If your family is like mine, joy will eventually come back, and you will find that while much has been lost, grace will return to you.  You will never be able to replace your loved ones, but blessings will come to help you continue living with knowledge that the love you hold and the love your departed had for you will never disappear.

It is just after Christmas as I write this. As I look back at the holiday, I am thankful that my family was able to have fun.  We visited with relatives and friends, worshipped, ate well (maybe a bit too well), laughed (we experienced many real belly laughs) and generally rejoiced in this 2012 Christmas season.  My kids (ages 16, 11, and 8) took events  in with a wonder that fit for their respective ages.  They saw cousins, played with toys and electronics, texted friends, and as is usually the case, teased each other (in good natured fashion, or so we tell ourselves  :)  ).   My wife enjoyed seeing her family, had a few glasses of wine, joked around, and although she’s always doing something, she sat down long enough to play a board game or two.  As always, I read, made jokes, imbibed, helped where I was needed and played with my Facebook account while watching any soccer game that could be found on TV (I am an admitted soccer addict). In a slight twist from recent years, the new fallen snow was a pleasant surprise up here north of Albany - we haven’t had a real good snow in the last few years, and this one added new life to the season... Recently, I read somewhere that it was a gift from our recently departed loved ones – a thought that I wholeheartedly believe.  All in all, it was a blessed holiday, and one in which each moment was felt in an honest and open way.

We weren’t always able to feel the joy we felt this year – While Christmas is a time where hearts become a bit softer, eyes a bit wider, and smiles a bit bigger, that joy was interrupted for us 12 years ago when my  15 month old daughter Sarah died in a tragic accidental window fall.  She would be turning 14 this May, which is a fact that never really drifts too far from our thoughts.  Sarah died when we were residents of Danbury, CT. during a vacation while we were away on the Jersey Shore. If you are anything like we were during that first season after Sarah’s death, the downtime that occurred in the lull period after the holiday was the one where we were hit square in the face with the grief of our loss.   Things were at their worst when the funerals concluded, attention lessened, and the many others who were so wonderful during the immediate window after the tragedy began to move on…while we were firmly cemented to the tragedy.  We were in shock at first and doing our best to put on a brave face, but the hardest time came when things slowed down and we were left alone to answer the existential question of "now what?"  At that moment, the true work of our grief began.

So, this question is what brings me to this letter.  Events in the last few months have seen children taken from us in violent acts like the Sandy Hook shooting and the car accident that occurred on the Northway in upstate New York in the last month.  My heart aches with the families that have lost.  Personally, these events feel particularly close to me, as one occurred in the place I chose to settle to further my own journey of healing through education and a new career plan (NY Capital District/Clifton Park), while the other occurred in the area I lived, loved, started my family, and where my own grief journey began (Western Connecticut/Danbury).

So with all of this, I want to pass on the message that hope exists despite the pain and confusion you may be experiencing now – While I can’t understand exactly what you are experiencing, I strongly empathize with you as you start this journey.  Through our shared proximity in CT and New York, and our similar experiences of loss, you all feel like my family.  And as family, I feel a need to pass on the following thoughts.  I pass these in a pay it forward fashion as they were offered to me by special angels from both of these communities…Know that I love you all...and cant thank you enough for what you gave to me and my family.

• Try to focus on individual moments.   I understand that you feel wounded right now.  Survival of the bad moments comes through the understanding that everything changes.  While you may hurt now, try to hang on with the understanding that something will come along to buoy you up in the next moment.  You may be familiar with the term “one day at a time…”  For the grieving, I would shorten that to an hour, a minute, and if need be, seconds.  Sometimes we need to know that pain will not last beyond the next nanosecond.  In my experience, that thought offers powerful healing potential.     

• Do your best to Stay Open:   When wounded, it is a natural reaction to close down and hide.  Hiding helps us to ignore the pain.  At the same time, it’s also natural to judge others that interact with us for not grieving the way we think they should, or when someone that says something to us that appears insensitive.  That judgment however, is a temporary way to deflect our own feelings on others.  Our hearts close so we do not feel the full range of our emotion.  Unfortunately, burial/deflection/denial of feelings creates toxic outcomes.    Conversely, openness allows us to accept things as they are, to see with new eyes and allows us to heal.  So while you are inside your moments of pain and longing, cry.  Let go.  Just keep breathing.  The moments of quiet will open doors to help you heal.   Hug the others that feel awkward.  Find support in friends.  If needed, enlist a professional.  Walk in nature.  Write in a journal.  Paint something.  Draw.  Find a way to give to others.  Breathe the air.  Listen to the wind.  Feel the light on your skin.  Amazing things happen on the wind and the light – trust me...my hope(my deceased child) lives on in wind and light.    

In closing and in answer to the question “what now?”  I don’t have an answer to give you right now.  That being said, I believe that answer lies within each of your hearts, and within your spirit.  I believe that you have the power to choose what happens next.  While at times things may feel as if they are out of control, you have the power to choose how you view the events that have taken place and how you will decide to move forward.  While the past will not change, every moment offers a new opportunity.  The possibilities of that choice are endless and offer an amazing way for you to celebrate the lives of your lost child.  For my family and I, that choice is all summed up in two words…“embrace life.” That mantra allows us to live differently than before, but with a wisdom and clarity that allow us to experience the full range of that joy.    We’ve embraced life by having more children, moving to undertake new careers, dedicating ourselves to the causes of organ donation and grief support, and living in ways that embrace the full realm of human experience, namely living with both love and compassion.  Today, we also see life from a two sided lens. While there is joy, there is also suffering.  Taken together, they encompass an authentic life which allows for real love and compassion to flourish.

May peace, blessings, and hope find you all during this New Year,

Wesley W. Merritt